1sts away to Stanton Harcourt, Sat 13th June

We arrived at the quaint setting of The Stanton Harcourt cricket ground in our usual staggered order with Rammy rolling up after the toss had been made by our Vice skipper Shadders (who was a little less late than Rammy). Before we knew it Ollie and Gerry with chests puffed out and expectations high confidently strode to the wicket, what could possibly go wrong after our last debacle against Stanton, well Gerry began to tell us as he less confidently dawdled back towards his team mates two balls later completing the ignominious personal feat of a hat-trick of ducks after flashing wildly outside off, straight to the man fielding at point (typical behaviour of a man coming off a pair of noughts!). Ollie fared only a little better scoring a run and Webby came and went for single figures, Russ the same and so on and so forth…. If not for a punchy innings from Rosie and a magnificent last wicket stand by Rob ”my dignity” Preston and our Russian signing Ivo McFarlane we would have probably achieved the unimaginable and been dismissed for even less runs than what we got the last time we played Stanton (30!).

After the lads prised Ollie, Webby, Russ, Gerry and Aidey apart from what could only be described as a 4 way, circular huddle of failure (all of whom were in tears apart from Russ who had chewed half way through his own arm) we treated ourselves to a selection of savoury and sweet delights for tea.

Alas we fell 1 short of a collective ton with a flicker of hope of victory. We started with an impressive yet brief opening bowling spell from Rambo and Rob which proved fruitless in terms of wicket taking but had the batsmen playing and missing but also scoring at a reasonably good rate. Rammy unleashed the rest of our bowling attack (Shadders, Ollie and Dave) who apparently mistook Rammy’s wise words of “bowl it full and on off stick“ for “bowl a buffet of short dross, wides and leg side rubbish” which pretty much rounded off an all-round abject performance bar aforementioned batting and Rob and Rammys bowling. Oh and I nearly forgot we have all decided to do away with the long barrier fielding technique and have replace it with the non back bending, legs wide open technique which (surprisingly) also provided Stanton with another steady source of runs! Needless to say they knocked our total off with plenty of overs and time to spare and we all spent the next hour in their clubhouse bar drinking and talking about anything but what had just happened in the previous 3 and a half hours.

Credit where credit is due their opening bowling attack was impressive their fielding was as sharp as a tack and they produced an excellent bowling and fielding performance. Again good opposition to play against and not an ounce of arrogance or smug indifference to our abomination of a performance and we look forward to playing them once more in the league this season.

We all left the ground choosing to laugh rather than cry and we now have 7 losses to our name and have yet to record a victory. Don’t worry chaps there is always next week!

Categories: Match Reports